Mitsuru Kirijo (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
fallbymyhands) wrote2018-06-16 10:20 pm
fallbymyhands) wrote2018-06-16 10:20 pm
[Week 2, Saturday: Ichigo]
[Mitsuru isn't at the post-trial campfire. at least, not for long. she makes an appearance to listen to what Richie had to say about the lake kittens, and then vanishes again to clear her head]
[and it's after the fire has slowly dwindled, after everyone has let the events of the day sink in like rocks in a river, that she seeks out Ichigo. she's bad at comfort, but. . .]
[she knows he's hurting]
Kurosaki.
[her greeting is short and a bit awkward]
Would you care to take a walk with me this evening?
[and it's after the fire has slowly dwindled, after everyone has let the events of the day sink in like rocks in a river, that she seeks out Ichigo. she's bad at comfort, but. . .]
[she knows he's hurting]
Kurosaki.
[her greeting is short and a bit awkward]
Would you care to take a walk with me this evening?
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It seems so much more intense, especially now that he's just done the same for someone else.
People will always die because of you.
So when she comes to seek him out, he's standing by the lake - despite it being so close to the mess hall, where Chloe was messily murdered - staring out into the water. The question makes him startle a little, then -]
Ah...sure. Around camp, right? Or...
[He trails off, unsure of what else to say, grasping for words that just won't come.]
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[she'd suggest the lake, but. . .]
It's probably best we don't stand near the water for too long.
[they don't. want to be turned into toys, like Talcott was]
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[He doesn't expect the cats to come up like they did before - for better or for worse, there's a pattern to all of this - But he's starting to get tired of staring at the deathplace of the person he felt he personally failed.
So, without too much urging, he turns away and begins to walk towards the clearing with her.
...But, well...she'll have to be the one to start the conversation.]
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It is, perhaps, pointless to ask. But how do you feel?
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[Like a failure. Like how he did when his mother died, and he realized that it was his fault he dragged her to that riverbank, to the claws of a hollow -
Only this time, it was to the claws of the cats in the lake.
To killing someone, after talcott had wept on him, begged him for help - ]
...I...couldn't keep my promise to him. And in the end, he just....saw me as a monster.
[He lets out a gentle, mirthless laugh.]
I was going to confess. Say that I did it, because - he had so much he was worried about. So much he wanted to help with, and I....
['I don't value myself as highly as an entire world.']
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[but that is for another conversation]
. . . had you confessed, I would have refuted it with the evidence laid out in front of me.
[the shaky alibi. Talcott apparently sleeping on top of Ichigo. Talcott smelling like gunpowder. the mysterious lack of injuries. all of that was more than enough to convince her long before Zangetsu made an appearance]
Your value is no less than his, Kurosaki. In this camp, everyone's lives are equal.
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[He can't stop himself from yelling that out, looking at her with a deep pain in his eyes - before closing them and turning his head away, his fists clenching and unclenching.]
It's not equal when I failed him! And everyone keeps telling me it's not my fault, but fuck that! It is! He trusted me, and I - I couldn't even keep my single fucking promise!
[He stops, shoulders trembling, before he brushes past her in a sudden movement, walking quickly ahead.]
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[she recognizes what he's doing. he's trying to escape, to avoid engaging with her on this subject. his guilt is too much, and she. . . well. in a way, she understands]
[but she can't let him tear himself apart for this. not when they still have so many more weeks to go]
You cannot take the onus of his choices on your shoulders! Talcott is an individual with his own thoughts and feelings, just as you are.
It was unfair of him to make you make that promise, and then break it himself by taking advantage of your tired state.
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[He's shaking, his head bowed, even as she talks at him - and he stops, turning to go sit near a wall, pressing his back against it and sliding down.]
It's not - fuck, I know that he had his own thoughts and reasons for doing what he did! But it doesn't fucking help when I keep replaying everything he said, and the moment when I fell asleep!
[He brings his knees up, wrapping his arms around himself.]
...
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[she crouches down next to him, her expression softening]
Do you remember what I said to you, some week ago, now?
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[He's silent, but he nods.]
I remember.
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[she knows repeating it now probably won't help. that reminding him that there are other people here he can protect when he's reeling from his perceived failure over Talcott will likely just send him spiraling into further guilt]
It's difficult to bounce back from perceived failures such as this one. I know that, from. . . personal experience.
I'd like to see you keep going, though. The compassion you have for others, and your drive in wishing to protect them, is a great strength.