fallbymyhands | [Week 2, Saturday: Ren]

[Week 2, Saturday: Ren]

[there wasn't a single person who wasn't upset after the events of the trial, Mitsuru included. but as emotionally drained as she was, she's acutely aware there are others-- others who were closer to Talcott-- who are probably feeling it in ways she can't even comprehend]

[. . . and, heck. she's no stranger to loss. not after. . . everything that happened at home. and maybe that's why she seeks Ren out, once the campfire party has dwindled, and people have returned to their cabins]

Were you two close?

[him and Talcott, she means. it's a stupid question; she saw that kiss earlier. but she has to break the ice somehow]

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... as close as you could be after two weeks.

[He knows that level of affection after such a short time is silly. But when under so much stress you took what enjoyment you could, when you could]

[yeah. that's true. it had taken SEES quite a few months to become as close as they had, but it was through stress and battle that they eventually came together. the stakes in this camp far exceed anything SEES experience on a month-to-month mission basis back home]

[so it's no surprise that that same logic applied, only tenfold, in this camp]

. . . I'm truly sorry for your loss.

[it feels empty. she remembers how empty it felt when people had said that to her about her father. but she feels like she has to say it, anyway]

Would you care to take a walk with me, Amamiya?

... I'd like that, Kirijo-san.

[For once there's no playful flirting. Just... glad to have someone to talk to for a bit. he gets up and follows quietly]

[walking is the best way to get one's mind off of things!1 and as he stands up, and they start to stride towards the clearing near the lodge (no lake, not tonight), she starts off easily]

Tatsumi and I were outside together all night, and we didn't see any fireflies. I'm almost jealous you and Kon got to watch them.

They were... beautiful. It's that kind of sight you only really get in the country like this.

[It had been a nice night, even though some of his and Kon's conversation had ended up pretty... heavy]

[it's difficult to have conversations that aren't at least a little heavy in a place like this]

[she also gives a brief pause, before she answers]

I wouldn't know.

[ah]

I've lived in Iwatodai my whole life. It isn't a large city, but there aren't many fireflies.

[Ren doesn't smile, but his eyes are soft and longing]

I grew up in the country. Small town. Fireflies in the summer and cicadas in the fall. It was weird... not seeing them in Tokyo. You should... should see them, if you get the chance.

Perhaps they'll return to this camp one night, and I'll view them then.

[. . .]

Though perhaps something so beautiful seems so out of place in a marred with death.

... I said the same thing, to Kon. He said, something like... "That's part of what makes the world beautiful, you know. That even in the heaviest places, good things still exist."

...Kirijo-san... do you think I'm a fool for getting so attached and screwing up so badly at the trial?

[it might be surprising, but her answer is swift]

Perhaps.

[oh]

But I've made bigger mistakes. [not telling SEES about the origin of Tartarus, trusting Ikutsuki, almost bringing about the end of the world. . . you know, small stuff] And appropriately, all versions of the Major Arcana journey being with the Fool.

[dat tarot symbolism]

Le Mat.

[Ren sighs]

It's hard to think of someone like you making mistakes, honestly.

Magnifique.

[oh, good. he got it. at his statement, she folds her arms tightly across her torso]]

I tried my best not to. It wasn't. . . becoming, of someone of my position. [aha] But there is no such thing as perfection.

[. . .]

I have yet to tell you about our field leader, don't I?

[Unlike his predecessors, Ren's arcana had never evolved, even when he unchained his heart and brought Satanial forth. He was still the Fool. He still had a journey to complete]

Not in any detail, no.

[she lets out a breath, a small hesitation. she hasn't told anyone about this, yet. mostly because it hasn't come up in conversation. but partially because the scars are still fresh]

His name was Minato Arisato. He-- like you-- had the ability to wield multiple Personas. It made him an asset to our team, and is why I appointed him as our field leader and battle tactician during Shadow missions.

[the entire story is long and convoluted, and she decides to not keep Ren in the dark by going through it bit by bit. and so, she says bluntly, her gaze affixed on the dark path ahead]

He passed away, a mere few days before I was brought to this camp.

He... he died...

[That... hits him like a brick]

In battle?

Yes. [a beat] . . . no. That isn't quite right. It's a little complicated.

[Mitsuru hasn't lived through the Abyss of Time just yet, so she doesn't. . . have the whole story. but what she does know, is--]

On January 31st, myself and my team fought against the Avatar for Nyx. The god said to descend upon the world and bring about the Fall, or the end of all life on the planet. We rejected salvation through death, and stood our ground in order to preserve life as we knew it.

I don't-- [mmmm] That battle was completely unwinnable. We fought until we could barely move, and still we were no match for Nyx. I don't know. . . what he did, precisely, but. . .

[he did something. he pulled a miracle out of a top hat, rearranged the world to suit his own needs, and did something to keep Nyx at bay]

It was only because of him that we finally managed to achieve victory. But the battle must have taken so much out of him, because he died a little over a month later from "unknown causes."

He gave up his life... to stop death.

[He let's all that soak in as they walk, staring at his feet]

We fought...something like a god. It wasn't, really - it only became that strong because people were so desperate to have something to worship. something to think for them. That they just... made one en mass from the desires of all humanity.

If... if we had lost completely... I don't know if I could have done the same thing he did. If I could be that selfless.

Edited 2018-06-17 05:30 (UTC)

I doubt your team would have wanted you to. That you could find a way to win without taking such drastic measures. . . is admirable.

[selfishly, she knew no part of SEES had wanted Minato to sacrifice himself for the sake of keeping the world spinning. but. . . that's the point of her telling him this, isn't it?]

. . .

And therein lies my mistake. No part of me. . . was strong enough, to stop him from giving up his life.

...

You were close.

[Not a question]

[. . .]

[she can't help but reject that premise]

Close. . . is still not enough.

[Ah. The ground and the horizon are blurring. Funny that. He rubs his face with the heel of his hand]

I... I'm sorry, Kirijo-san. Having to deal with all this so soon after... it must be unbearable.

[funny that indeed]

Thank you. . . but I didn't tell you that story for condolences. Even though they're appreciated.

[he gets a small smile. a rare sight, but there you go]

[He actually manages a smile in return, even if it's weak]

I know, but you deserve at least that either way.

[WEAK SMILES ALL AROUND. . . she nods at his in return, feeling something calm, something warm settle into her chest despite the emotional exhaustion she's been battling since trial]

As do you.

[for Talcott. of course]

I am. . . admittedly, not very good at offering condolences. [she shifts, a bit awkward, from foot to foot] I've been told that I'm too cold and distant for that. And even now, it's difficult.

But I wished to try.

If I'm being honest? I know everyone means well. With the hugs and the... talking about him. But it all just makes me feel more helpless.

...I'll take empathy over pity. So... thank you.

I understand. I'd feel helpless too, if that was the kind of consolation people were offering me.

[she lifts a hand, runs her fingers through her bangs, pushing them aside as she talks]

I simply hope you don't let the pain of loss-- or a perceived failure-- prevent you from continuing forward.

[something she once again says with personal experiences backing it up. but she keeps the story about her father's death, and her own spiral afterwards, firmly to herself]

[anyway who knew P3's death themes would come in so handy in murder camp]

[he thinks on this, and nods]

I'm not selfless enough to sacrifice myself. But maybe... I can be selfish enough to live. And take everyone I can with me.

[He gives her a rueful smile]

I hope Arisato-senpai won't be too disappointed if I do things my own way.

[another smile, this one accompanied by a chuckle]

I doubt he would be. And truthfully. . . I'd prefer to see everyone here try their hardest to survive.

[Red keeps telling her it's impossible for all of them to make it out alive, but. . . Mitsuru doesn't want to believe that. not yet]

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[Week 2, Saturday: Ren]

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